You know that moment when you’ve tried really really hard for something and then comes the f word. Your bottom lip starts to quiver and tears build burning to be released.

The F word being failed.

Even though you tried, tried so hard you almost made your heart explode just thinking about any little thing that could possibly go wrong.

I hate when people say “you clearly didn’t want it enough” as if that was the reason I deserved to be back at square one the confidence that took hours no weeks to build just wiped out from under me in one smooth flourish.

Or that I “didn’t work hard enough” to meet my goal. It’s as simple as getting back on the horse… if the horse had thrown you off and then performed a tap solo on your stomach sure! It was almost as if I died when I heard my name followed by the patronizing “I’m sorry to say you’ve been unsuccessful this time.” It couldn’t be possible, surely that I had failed? Again. Of course I had.

Maybe there was just something wrong with me. I was seemingly unable to do this simple act that my fellow peers had achieved years before me. Yet again I was left behind struggling. Even now I still go back and sign up to try again hoping this time I won’t be associated with failure.